|
owner
 " I came here to avoid reality. " tagboard Briefing
|
It's been really long since I uploaded my blog... 70% of laziness and the rest.. I'm busy handling my college life. HAHA.
So many things happened!
I got my own boyfriend. *a really annoying, kiddy and loving one.
I dyed my hair purple......
Lots of lots of truth surfaced...
and.... life really just doesn't get any easier haha...
I think it's true how people say that, life don't get easier.. it's just that you're more stronger than before... but I'm sure nothing of this would had come to this end if it wasn't friends who are there when you needed them..
Im 18 this year, 70 years plus of story to be written by myself... Im sure I couldn't not do this alone, but yet the fact.. I'm the writer of my own book. If I'm not going to write it, nobody is going to help me write one and I will be having a very fucked up life.
There are a lot of things to be written and updated here..
This blogpost might seemed a bit distorted as I know what I'm writing before and after doesnt not really make sense together.. hahahaha but who cares. it's my blog. Read it and leave me alone.... hahaha
:)
I think I will try to update it more often.
Sometimes I think updating one help you grow up more than just sit there and hit a wood that hurts more like hell.
Never been so tired ever since SPM. Procrastinators gonna procrastinate okay.. Even lecturers. Long Live the Fucking Lecturers. One who tells us : " You're having your finals next week. " WOW... 
and a report to finish and a fucking presentation .....
ohhh..... look at the workload. ahhhhh.......
Definitely not in a really good mood these days. It's like everything pissed me off. HAHAH well that happens every now and then. Not a big deal.
So a few days ago, Dad came back from his trip to Singapore. AND he brought me back two loveys!
The first one, would be my baby, my bedtime warrior.
His name is Dreamer.
Now I think he looks so cute with his made-to-be frustrated face hahahha.
I have been wanting one of these bears since I've watched the video from Joseph Germani. He owns a BooBooBear and since my sister have one rabbit one named Hamako which have a sakura flower print.
Yea, it's a size smaller than theirs but I'm satisfied. :)
Anyway, welcome to my life Dreamer and nice to meet you and looking forward with the nights with you.
New Balance 996!
It was suppose to be my mum's actually but it's too big for her so it became mine. HAAHHAHAa. I'm super duper happy that I have another pair to add into my New Balance collection but tbh, I only got 3 pairs of them and there is one if I seldom wear it cause it's too dirty and it's too big for me. LOL.
So that's about it for pictorial stories. now let's get on with my life.. Life, was probably great.? I think... But, idk, I feel like there's something missing still..... which I do not want to talk about it. look, good things are worth the wait right? I'll wait. You know, Friends come and go.... Some may hurt you, some may color you life so colorful that you do not know what's life without colors. but, that's what made life .. life. All the ups and downs, falling down and standing up again by yourself. Then, you will know all these bring true friends to your side. Those that will never leave you alone no matter what happen. Those that will never get tired of listening to your craps. Some said too that time bring the best to you, well.... cheers to you. Cause I think that works pretty well for my time now, cause we just left high school for bout like half a year? or going to be a year soon or so, and look. People with lots of friends, are left with just some friends that were true and loyal to them. People should treasure those people. well. That's all.. idk just spitting some random stuffs out of my brain.
Went out with my loveys yesterday...
Well, to be honest...
Time spending with them is never enough...
Some quick snaps.
   
We'll wont be there for each other right?
But it's okay, our hearts are.
I trusted you guys. :)
Here are some special credits for my Special-Specials.
Hey you, Big Head Taiga Prawn.
I see that our nicknames for each other is just getting longer and longer.. We probably have to stop randomly adding names for each other or next time... I guess it will take three lines here to have your full nickname.
We spent so many times together during our last schooling year, whether at class or the practicing venue. We did many cool stuffs too.... like sending notes to each other cause our class is just so near and we totally is just so bored... HAHAHA... Going toilet together because we're just two classes away...
Should have tell you earlier, but it's okay to tell you now anyway.. HAHHAAHAHA..
Thanks for giving me a better memory in my high school life.. Thank you for teaching me to be so lame I couldn't even take it myself and most probably, you teach me to move on.. AND helping me scoring a bloody A in my addmaths... :p
We never really talked that much since you went to NS. Tbh, I felt distant from you because you're like mixing other DIFFERENT people more than us..*you should know how different it is when I mean different* ahahahah but... somehow I never feel awkward talking to you after not talking to your for month or weeks..... or whatever... because I still know that you will still be there for me when I need you..
and, I was really happy when you came back from NS cause, I feel like my 闺蜜 came back.. but soon hor.... the government really fucked our ass... You are going to Matrics.. :( and you're so far away.. really felt 不安 for a few days..... but then when you reached there and you reported safety , I felt ok again...
walao.. write till like lesbian ahneh.. but hahhahaha... best friends right? Hate it when we don't have each other by our side.
Then soon , you started your very stress life. I also started my super sien life... and I know that we have a different route now and won't be there all the time by our side.. so please do your best. :) 8 more months.. It will pass in a blink of an eye. :)
* I do listen to you... but just sometimes, I just don't bother to give you a respond..... but if it hurts you I'm sorry. D:
and my Temporary Boyfriend. HAHHAHAHHA... sound so weird.
but hey, we don't give a fuck hahaha.....
so.... here goes..
Thanks for being by my side when I'm down..... and, supporting me always... The time before everything went well, you were at your lowest too.. still.. I bugged you with my own problems, sorry. I'm not good with my own problems, in fact nobody is good with their own problems... but that's not an excuse... I'm sorry too, when you needed my comfort I couldn't give you the best comfort... :( but honestly, thank you for trusting me so much...... and even though I always tell you that I hate you, but actually I love you the most. :) because even though it's not really the stuffs I want to hear, but it's always for the best of me....
You're always like that, thinking for people ahead of you. and that's what I like about you. :)
I'm glad for you now, for you have your dearest person just right beside you.. Although you guys might still have some stuffs that you don't like about each other... but if that's the right guy then go for it.. I'm sorry I couldn't help you see if it's the right guy for you. Cause sometimes, what we see and what you see it's different. So.... Some decisions you have to made alone..... There's no right or wrong , because it's just a decision. but when there's something not right.. Feel free to come to me just like how I did :)
*About him who nags, don't pay so much attention to what he nags like how I did... Sometimes they just don't know that we are in control of our self, because from their opinion we are out of control. Remember, because they are our parents, we never try to go against them. If that's what he wants, give him what he wants, then do whatever you want ....
I think it's quite a long post, because I wasn't in a good mood but I'm not in the mood to complain neither, so I tried giving credits to these Special-Specials. :) Cause I only have you two now and I wished that you guys would know that.
Some food stuffs..
Went to Sushi Zanmai yesterday and went into the japanese shop beside it selling all those jap food and went it to bought this to eat. Have been wanting to try it for very long, but my mum doesn't bother to buy me one, so I'll buy one myself. hahaha
The Red Bean Ice Cream. I called it the Fried Fish. HAHAHA.
It costed RM6.90.
Unpacking.
A good bite. :p
It's vanilla ice cream wrap with red beans and there's a thin layer of chocolate coating.
Taste wonderful. :)
That's all. :D
August 2014
Care less is better.
Having a mindset nowadays.When you care less, you have less problems.. and I think it's really true. I learnt no to care about those who don't really give a fuck about me that much. So that I could stop looking like a beggar that could only survive with you and only you. No. Time for these shits to stop. So once this starts, I think I'm feeling all better again.. I like the feeling of being carefree.. but who doesn't like lol. I'm saying something so ridiculous. HAHA. Anyways, this is practically what happens in my class. My lecturer , let's call her Ms C. Ms C is literally an auntie and she's so.... lol. The typical Malaysian auntie style.... literally. Fuck it. LOL. She's so annoying in terms... of she's being so long gas. So in the previous posts that I've mention that I skipped class and you know what? She went on with that topic for like 5 mins for about 2 days? IS THAT EVEN NECESSARY LOL. == And this is her teaching method. I couldn't agree more that her teaching method is so ..... asdfghjkl.... She asked us not to copy so that we could listen to her and once she's finished with her explanations she just rubs off the notes. wtf? Seniors said that she was a very nice lecturer.. I hope she really is, cause I've only been along with her for like 2 weeks? Haih, life is so hard. This is what happens today. I have my class in lecturer theater. It's a really really big class and you can see from the word theater. Because my class is such a big class and enter class rather late, but not late for class, I have no choice but to choose the next empty row and which could probably say that is the row that sums up our class. It's rather high up. But I don't think it's really a problem because the screen is quite big from our place so I expect that I could see ... and look what this lecturer did. *this is a shot from my snapchat. I found it very amusing so I screenshot it hahahaha* *vains* :p 
LMAO
 Ms C : " Girl, if you can see you should wear specs. " Me : " I'm wearing it " Ms C : " Then where is your specs? " Me : " I'm wearing lens " Ms C : " Then where is your lens? "  ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr. EXCUSE ME? And my class goes off to an awkward silent and then burst out laughing. So.... This a brief introduce to me lecturer, Ms C. Well, literally life is really better back then in high school but I still like high school more. There are no so much of those... 黑暗社会的症状.. but, growing up ... is a process that I must go on. *throwback to the April with craziness.* 
we may not be as good as before, but.. thanks for all the times we past through together. :)
Here's something I want to say to my white tiger.
I'm sorry I never replied your letter as I intended to... cause.... I'm having a busy yet lazy life. but okay, those are excuse.. :(
I'm really sorry...
Soon you'll be having SPM and during that time I'll be having my finals, we might not be able to catch up so much of each other. So...... Here's my blog and feel free to check here all the time. :) I will try to update as much as possible and which is what never happen before HAHAHA.
*I wrote this before I've given you the link so... hahah idk why I wrote it but whatever :D*
Happy July guys.
Oh look, it's already mid-July.
Happy July 2014
Life was ... kinda perfect. Friends around, loved by family. There's always something that's bugging me. Haih.. such failure, no? College life, was.... nice. Friends are friendly and nice too . Really liked them, but I hope that they are the ones that are worth to be trusted. went to college with one of my really good best friends.. and soon my life start turning chaos. :( in the start, we were really good.. but soon, i couldn't understand her anymore. Just like how she couldn't understand me... Then, I couldn't talk to her as easy like we used to be... I hate the feeling. Of being left out. I guess nobody likes it.. but, they have probably never been left out by somebody so.....? Idk. I don't really care about left out by classmates. I care about being left out by her. The time she spend with our classmates and other people become more and more.. and there is always no time for me... I wanted to talk to her about it, but then I think it wouldn't make a difference. so this is what happens after that. She grew real close with one of my friends, they start sharing secrets that I don't know. Going out more with her than with me as she says that she has no time for me... wow.... No time for me huh........... Best friends huh? Is it childish to think this way? but, i know that i care, that's why. This, taught me another valuable lesson? To never trust people who are close to you. Yes. NEVER. I've gone through so many pain by trusting so many people that I THOUGHT they are worth it. But everyone turns my expectation down. Sometimes, i really like the good old days. When everyone is still a nerd and living happy life just to get our grades good. Life's hard when I'm 18. I guess life is getting harder. Time to buck up. and go on. Complex.
7A for my SPM .
To me , hardwork paid off .
I really thank god for giving me such a good result ..
But results means parental problems .
Finally I made them listen what I really wanted to tell them .
So I guess it's okay?
But even though I reached my target .. I still feel depressed .
Don't know why and do not know from where .
Last week I passed my driving test too !
Got my license and driving was really something awesome but I am so desperate for it , I got scolded from everybody lol .
Anyway it's a sleepless night again .
Thousand and thousand of thoughts invade my mind again .
Sometimes I really hate the nights .
Have been catching up a drama for the time being . TVB Drama .
Very tiring but many life lesson learned .
I spoke to him a few days ago .
He was saying about something it's not worth a try when you know the results .
To be frank , I really do know the answer but he himself is not clear .
How can I be clear?
Just like how to movie broadcasted : " 還沒撞板就喊痛，只是給自己沒能力的一個藉口"
Obviously I agreed with that..
And I obviously have no idea what I'm gonna do next .
I broke into tears easily these days..
Time to be weak?
Or was there a reason to be strong until now ?
Today too I saw something shocking .
and that's is practically why I'm like that now .
I do not know .
I feel uncomfortable after I saw that .
Haih . Wtf is wrong with me .
I have no sense of life direction now .
Curiousity kills the cat .
Best Friends
I need someone like you cocoa .
but I do not know who is real to me .
Not even you .
I'm scared , so scared .
Don't tell me nothing to be scared off when you're here.
I'm scared of you .
How do I get to sleep ?
Feel like crying but nothing comes .
Provoked.
Sometimes, I don't understand...What did I do .. to make you all hate me so much. I just don't have a clue. You hate people talking bad about you. I hate too. I'm a human. I have feelings too.. When it come to those emotions that I really can't even cheer myself up.. People tend to provoke it to be worst. and it's happening now. I can't stop myself.. I can't control myself. I just feel like scolding everything to every people who just fucked up my life for that moment. I'm spitting fire every moment to everybody.. I'm sure that scared away a lot of people.. But... I just can't take it ... For this time... I feel.. I'm not me. I think it's really rare to get my angry up to this high of a level. Is god trying to push me for the better? Why is it so many things to handle in one second? The days that I feel suffocated at night are back. I just can't breathe. To my Best Friend, I'm sorry to have that kind of thought while you're at your depths. I feel very very very bad for it.. People were like : " What kind of friend are you? " and.. I just sat there and think.. what kind of friend am I? To you? To everyone... Guess I'm not a good girl .. I really miss you .. I wish you were here with me.. I wish you were here with me to help me through all of this.. but I know now.. There's something more important than this.. I'm sorry... My sorries aren't enough to cover up this mess. :( I am a bitch to everyone. Nobody likes me.. Be it a friend or a lover or.. whatsoever it is. I always have something to do with them. All their shits have something to do with me. Please! I'm not a tissue paper. To my Valentines, Thank you.. for giving me a belated Valentines. :) I really liked it.. Be it the flowers or the accompaniment at the night with many many mosquitoes around.. But thanks.. :) The first time.. I ever celebrated a Valentines with my friend. And it's really sweeter I think it would turn out to be. Thanks for your shoulder too hee .. But there's something I hope you would know.. It's okay to open up sometimes.. Maybe not too much.. It's not good having so much things digging your heart.. Maybe you'll feel imma busybody now okay . ._.
Have fun and take care alright? To my Brother, I don't know why I will never get bored of your lame chats. -_- Like seriously lameeee... hahaha but .. thanks anyway okayy? You really calmed me down . and sorry too.. I might have thrown a lot of tantrums in front of you.. I'm having mood swings.. although that is not really a good excuse but.. I hope you buy this idea.. hahaha.. Take care of yourself too .. For those childish people who keep on provoking me.. I'm sorry to say, I won't be provoked by you anymore. It's tiring.. and it's really pointless. Does saying people's bad makes you happier? If it does not, stop it. You're hurting everyone.
我停止玩，因为我知道我自己玩不起。
 |
